Toy time

Is a Christmas present still a Christmas present when you get it in March?
I am assured that it is.
So what is this (very belated) Christmas present? Something I discovered last year and announced that I really really wanted, despite the cost, in the hope of ending an age old running (and cycling) problem.

Like a vast number of other Nano-gremlin infected, adrenalin and endorphin addicts I exercise better to music. A good beat is tonic, it infuses extra strength and stamina, it keeps you going faster and further that you would in silence. And when all else fails a long run can be anything but monotonous if you happen to be listening to an episode of The Goon Show - any oldy but a goody, if you've never listened to this classic you're missing sooo much gut busting amusement.

Anyway, the main problem with moving to the beat is that you must either be massively anti-social and share your twisted taste in noise with the whole world as you broadcast your playlist through the air or you shut yourself off from the world with headphone making you completely oblivious to your surroundings.
If you're running on a treadmill in the gym then the in ear option is a no brainer (gym standard issue sounds of tacky mtv repeats and the skinny girls gossiping by the water fountain has never appealed to me) but if you're outside it's another matter.

Why you shouldn't hide from the world when outside:

• If you're by the road, you need to know where the cars are (or tractors on narrow lanes)
• If you're in the park, a dog ambush is bad enough when you hear it coming but an unexpected terrier flying at your ankles can really smart.
• If you're on the tow path, you need to hear the psycho cyclist racing up behind you intent on throwing you into the canal and into the path of the angry swan (it's no urban myth, angry swans are not to be trifled with).
• If you're in the dark and running alone, well, I don't need to paint a picture with all the lone female runner horror stories about.

But then why shouldn't you have some beats to listen to as you go? The quandary is a tough one.

Then I heard about bone conducting headphones and they seemed like the perfect answer.
They sit in front of your ears on your cheek bones and conduct the sound vibrations through the bone to your ears. You can hear your beats and you can still hear everything else around you. How fab is that?

I did loads of research and settled on AfterShokz.
I still need to do a long test with them but a short one confirms I will be running with them.
Pros: Clear music and clear background noise (a comfortable chat with my partner while listening to Pink was easily accomplished). They're just like normal headphones for weight and feel without the sore ears of in ear headphones. The model I have got also acts as a hands-free for my phone.
Cons: The music is audible from the outside - like old '80s walkman headphones, tinny but quiet no problem if you are just passing. You have to remember to charge them, but there is supposed to be a twelve hour battery life and it's a standard microUSB port. (You can get bluetooth wirefree ones but their battery life is half that at best). They are expensive, at best £60 for these ones but you do get a two year warranty with them.

As a noise addict I have opted for an expensive solution to getting my music on the move and I know there are purists out there who will be screaming at me for not taking in the sounds of nature as I run but on balance I don't think I'm missing much - sheep aren't big on intellectual conversation and crops are just fertiliser bores. As for bird song, you do realise that pretty singing is just a load of yelling to the tune of "have sex with me" and "go away this is my patch"! (mating and territory, pretty much like humans in town really).


I want to go walking along the canal but the narrow boats are growling. This is a bad time of the year for them, they've been in hibernation all winter and they're eager to get back on the waterway but it's still too cold for most of their owners. Frisky narrow boats are a little known danger of the canals but they have to be strong, they were bred as a beast of burden and they need to be able to defend themselves from swans and sunken trolleys.
Beware the little ones most of all, anything under 30feet and they have inadequacy issues.


FraidyKat Runs - for beats
Fast day