Assassins and Boulder Rash

Danger lurks around every corner in FraidyKat's house, especially when it's dark.
Assassins hide around every bend and are at their most dangerous on the stairs.

The evidence tells me that this is the assassin. She may look cute and fluffy but this furry moggy will do anything to get her food, including kill!
Her rather flimsy defence is that it is not her, that when a tiny black missile wraps itself around my legs as I bravely descend the stairs it's not her doing it but her arch enemy the Ninja Elephants.
These small elephants are incredibly specialised and how they came to taunt our blameless cat we will never know, but they have a very peculiar way of working.
As we know, ninjas are never seen when they do not want to be and human ninjas are silent, but ninja elephants have only got the hang of the invisible bit, they don't do silent.
In our cat's defence I have to say that cats are traditional stealthy creatures so all that thumping and banging as she runs around the house has to be the ninja elephants chasing her. After all my scourge of mousekind could not possibly bring home so many presents without being silent as a shadow, so the loud crashing that wakes me at night and the thumping of a body hitting the landing must be nothing less than an evil invisible miniature elephant.

So the next time I curse my cat for her attempts to assassinate me when I am too slow in the provision of the delicacy that is tuna, I must bite my tongue and instead search for a "ninjaelephanticide" to spray about the place.


Also in the FraidyKat news today is a rash of Boulder discomfort.
For those of you crazy people reading my insane ramblings, you may remember my earlier issues with trying to find a boulder carrier so I did not suffer inordinate pain and black eyes when exercising (as it turned out I had a shockabsorber in draw that miraculously fitted so I can put off the bra shop until I have some pennies to spend).
Well, now I have discovered the further discomforts of wearing fleshy bowling balls and the inadequacies of the compression design of most bras for the well endowed.
When you get hot and sweaty all sorts of nasty things can happen and skin rubbing on skin gives rise to to a nasty heat rash.

Fortunately, I am in possession of a very special magic cream that cures all ailments (this comes under the heading "lies to children" and my eldest is a firm believer so bump and scrape induced tears are easy to stop).
This magic cream is called Sudacrem and it's amazing stuff. It's been used on everything from nappy rash to scrapes, bumps and burns, now it's also a cure for heat rash. It also has the added bonus of coming in large tubs that last almost forever or small tubs you can fit into a handbag (or training bag) that last nearly as long.



While my poor brave cat hides under the bed, it's time for me to go Ninja Elephant hunting. So I must prepare, thermal cameras, movement sensors and a mithril net to snare them, for surely nothing weaker would ever contain these supernatural beasts.
I must remember to wear armour to defend myself from their tusks and swimming goggles incase they spray me with blinding water from their trunks.
Time to clear the house of these pint sized pests - wish me luck!


FraidyKay Runs - from Ninja Elephants