Run Angry

I flamengoed up - it's like a cock up only much bigger.
(Red Dwarf, a classic line from Holly, the ship's computer)

Due to a serious communication's error (look up FUBAR, you'll get the idea), I missed the much anticipated Friday Defence Lab class and got home in a seriously BAD mood; not helped by a road closure and a diversion to no where - never trust a council's Highways department, they always assume you know the roads better than they do.
Anyway, after that I was in no mood to play happy families so I padded up my poorly cut foot and went out for a run. And oh boy did I own it. Even Hell Hill (a short section of steep hill at the bottom of my road) was defeated, run up for the first time instead of being wheezed up on hands and knees.
Running angry has its benefits, it really lends energy and it seems to scare off nano-gremlins, today they haven't dared show themselves. Good for freedom of movement, bad for zombie defence.

Having defied the conspiracy and gone for a run, I am forced to conclude that the pain pixies are just spiteful and as for the cock up fairies they don't know when to stop.
I must consult the ancient texts - or Google if that fails - and find a pixie/fairy repellent  before the infestation gets too serious. I wouldn't want to pass it on to the agents of chaos who share my home.

FraidyKat Runs - on Anger
87

Hydration, hydration, hydration

Hydrate! I must hydrate!
I feel like I need a little drill Sergeant sitting on my shoulder shouting "Drink more water!"

My run on Monday was fantastic but yesterday's run was a complete polar opposite. As previously blogged, I am one of nature's foul weather runners but with the paths so over growth I was getting hit by wet Triffids who's idea of a laugh was to test the water carrying capacity of my jogging bottoms.
About a mile in to the run I had to stop and, I kid you not, wring out the bottom of my trousers - I got a good cup of water out of each leg.
I also had to tie my joggers up at the waist to stop the extra weight pulling them down, a disadvantage of losing weight is the added chance of losing your dignity!

The irony of this run was that whilst outwardly I was soaking, inside I was dehydrated and as a consequence I got the stitch from hell; a gift from the Daemon Sloth, patron dark lord of couch potatoes and fast food outlets.
I know some people still argue about what causes a stitch but for me they always happen when I have not drunk enough, so there's no mystery for this FraidyKat.
Feel free to experiment and find out what your trigger is, but from now on my little drill Sergeant will stop me from getting it wrong as I do my best to escape from the springtime Triffids and their plans to soak the world.



Spring is a dangerous time in the country and not just because of over protective ewes and curious lambs. Spring is when the plants grow, the Triffids multiply, the brambles migrate and the trees burst into bright mesmerising bloom - and the less said about flowers spreading their seed the better, they are the world's ultimate doggers, they don't care who see's them and beastiality is one of their favourite things, eew. Save us from nature.

FraidyKat Runs - away from Triffids

A nice long soak

There's nothing quite like escaping from it all with a nice long soak, it's a pity there's no wine and there's certainly no bubble bath. Not this time.
This nice long soak was a little on the fresh side.
FraidyKat learned today that "squelch" can be an annoying noise on a run, and all the more so when it's the noise from your trainers every time they hit the path!
I had to run today, I wanted to and I needed to, so I did. Never mind the constant rain that contributed to the squelch, that is a necessary evil and only really a semi evil at that (quasi evil, the diet coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough - Austin Powers).

But today I did a 3 mile run with just two 1 minute walks in the middle. At the end of march I could just about manage 1minute running before I had to drop it to a walk for 90seconds. Now two months later it's 12minutes running and only 1walking. That's a huge difference.
I'm also 3kg lighter. I've got a long way to go but it's step in the right direction.



Going in the wrong direction is my weather app Accuweather. It's been producing some really fun temperatures recently.
Today I checked it just before heading out and according to Accuweather it was 54C. Yes, 54 degrees Celsius. I hit refresh and it went down to 12C.
This is the best one I've had so far:

Temperature Oops

That's a serious heatwave.
The highest recorded temperature before this was 56.7C, in Death Valley, but according to Accuweather that's nothing. Dear Partner's phone even fleetingly showed 73C yesterday. Now that's global warming!



Or is it a terraforming exercise being run by extraterrestrials?
As far as conspiracy theories go it's no worse than many of the others out there.
Why shouldn't little green men, or greys, want to create a slightly warmer holiday spot for themselves? They must need time to unwind too, after all that cattle mutilation and those military base fly bys they just want to hang up their ray guns and relax by the mercury swimming pool.


FraidyKat Runs - for a nice long soak

Death by sodium deficiency

As I sit here I am dripping with sweat (sorry if that's a bit too much information but in the spirit of truth I write it so) I cannot help but reflect on my lack of consistency in my return to running.
Not just my inability to following my training schedule, that's par for course with my life, but my average run speed.
When I last ran (about 1 1/2 years ago) I did not have a smart phone and could not track my runs the way I can now so I don't know how consistent I really was.
.
.
.
Sorry about that. I just managed to escape to sanitise and rehydrate. Now perhaps I won't need to attack the salt shaker in the kitchen thanks to the Zero (High5) tablets in my water. Mild but tasty and I find them much easier to drink on the go than sugary concoctions like lucozade.

Memo: Hydration bladders work really well in the shower. Hang it on a hook and slurp your favourite tipple. - Inspiration came from watching Hawkeye Pierce in M*A*S*H using an IV line to drink moonshine gin in the shower.

Consistency,
Yes, that.
My last run was a very sedate 5mph average. I wasn't much in the zone and I was listening to The Goon Show, funny but not speed making.
This run I was peaking at 7mph and averaging closer to 6mph. I was listening to My Chemical Romance, a much more aggressive noise to run too, but it did really wear me out.
Needless to say, I need to get an even stride figured out to make sure I find a speed I can run steadily too. I'm looking for increasing my distance at the minute, not my speed.
Maybe I just need a more consistent beat to run to, or maybe I should stop blaming the music and start listening to my body.

Starting to run is not easy. We may have evolved to do it but we still have to train for - and if it's easy you're trying hard enough!

It's amazing how many burger vans can be present at a market. Today I was out and about and I think every other stall was either a burger van ora cake stall. Surely they can't all make money, there aren't enough people eating enough calories to get the profits in. So what's promoting them to all turn up? 
Maybe they are under the employ of the diet industry. All that fat being pushed on you, all that processed meat and white flour carbs, it's a recipe for weight gain and we know who profits from that... The Diet Industry.
It's a conspiracy!
The diet fairies who look all pretty and nice while they dispense their pills and plans in exchange for your pennies are giving backhanders to the daemons in fast food industry. They are both fleecing us for our hard earned money, every pound we put on and then every pound we take off is pounds in their bank accounts.
Break the fairies, shun the daemons!

FraidyKat Runs - Away from Fairies

Dirty Masochist Vampire Hunter

Yep, FraidyKat is a dirty masochist.

I come to this conclusion having seen these events:

• Mudderella
• JCB Mud Run
• Mucky Races

And gone "Yes, that's for me!"
But I am sure there is more than a touch of sadism there too because the very next thought was "who can I con into doing these with me?"
Dearest partner must have a bullseye painted on him, he was the first victim. There will be more. Mauwhahahaha...

So, mud, obstacles, running, pain, blood, sweat and tears.
No, not chasing a toddler round the garden (although the description fits), running in one of the above events and the of course in the Tough Mudder in October.
Does anyone else think they sound fun or is it just me? I hope it's not just me.


Beyond the thoughts of future pain, there is much less present pain than I expected. I must be acclimatising to the DefenceLab workout; it's still kicking me but it's producing less gremlin food - must try harder.

I will be heading out for another run this evening. Is it weird that my aim for today is to get passed the Cemetery?!

My next aim will then be to choose my next pair of trainers. My poor old Asics have finally given up, I have now worn through the heels.
Not looking forward to getting a new pair, they're so expensive, but it needs doing.
To get my last pair I went to Coventry runner, a little shop on an uninspiring parade but the man there who served me got it exactly right. He got me on the treadmill for a gait analysis, measured my feet and then climbed up a ladder to find the trainers among a box of hundreds that I have spent the last two years wearing.
It turns out I'm an overpronator and my feet are so wide it's a waste of time even looking at ladies shoes (girls aren't allowed big feet apparently).
On the very first run in my £100 (eek!) shoes I was converted. I haven't had shin splints since then and it's bliss.


We have established beyond doubt (?!) that nano-gremlins love the taste of lactic acid and zombies hate it, but does this work with vampires?
Just wondering...
It's nothing to do with those strange noises in the night or the fact we are now sleeping with the window open (our little saviour moggy likes hunting mutant killer mice at night and keeping the world safe from their designs on world domination), or on how tired I feel in the mornings even after a full night's sleep.
But if they didn't like the taste why would they enjoy the hunt so much? The tormenting of innocents (and not so innocents) with blind panic and much running.
Hmm, perhaps they actually love the taste of adrenalin and endorphins.
Maybe we should all be running with neck protectors and collections of stakes.
Think about it, every runner is a brave vampire hunter using him or her self as bait to lure out the beast and keep everyone else safe.
All hail the runner.


FraidyKat Runs - with Van Helsing

The Masterplan

Without enough magic black numbers on my bank statement to procure the services of a personal trainer to help me reach my fitness goals (initially the insane day out that is ToughMudder) I have been forced to use my own dubious intellect and the assistance of several hours trolling through the oh so many running websites to come up with a plan of attack.

It's not just about miles.
I am now training for the obstacle course from hell. Therefore I must get strong. Using a gym is out of the question so that's another thing I must do from home. Thankfully the exercise DVD I recently bought (Jillian Michaels) is high intensity circuit training, perfecto for the goal.

With a little help from my old friend mathematics I know that I have 30 weeks until the event. That means 30 weeks to go from casual walks around the shops to running a half marathon with climbing walls, monkey bars, muddy tunnels and all sorts of other ingeniously torturous diversions.

Hours of contemplation have brought me to the realisation that I do not have time to let my diet alone shift the bulk of the weight before I once again strap on my trainers. I have to start now, well monday, that's close enough.

Here is the first 12 weeks of my plan:

Week	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
1	Defence Lab	Run 1min Walk 90 secs x8	Cross-train Jillian Michaels DVD	Run 1min Walk 90 secs x8	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 1min Walk 90 secs x8	Rest
2	Defence Lab	Run 2min Walk 1min x7	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 2min Walk 1min x7	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 2min Walk 1min x7	Rest
3	Defence Lab	Run 3min Walk 1min x6	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 3min Walk 1min x6	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 3min Walk 1min x6	Rest
4	Defence Lab	Run 5min Walk 2min x4	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 5min Walk 2min x4	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 5min Walk 2min x4	Rest
5	Defence Lab	Run 7min Walk 1min x3	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 7min Walk 1min x3	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 7min Walk 1min x3	Restx
6	Defence Lab	Run 8min Walk 2min x3	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 8min Walk 2min x3	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 8min Walk 2min x3	Rest
7	Defence Lab	Run 12min Walk 1min x3	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 12min Walk 1min x3	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 12min Walk 1min x3	Rest
8	Defence Lab	Run 15min Walk 1min x2	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 15min Walk 1min x2	Cross-train JM DVD	Run 15min Walk 1min x2	Rest
9	Defence Lab	2 mi	Cross-train JM DVD	2.5 mi	Cross-train JM DVD	3 mi	Rest
10	Defence Lab	2 miles	Cross-train JM DVD	3 mi	Cross-train JM DVD	4 mi	Rest
11	Defence Lab	2.5 mi	Cross-train JM DVD	3 mi	Cross-train JM DVD	5 mi	Rest
12	Defence Lab	3 mi	Cross-train JM DVD	4 mi	Cross-train JM DVD	6 mi	Rest

I really hope this is doable, I will alter it as I go if I need to, but the DVD is only 20 minutes at a time and I think 0 to 6 miles in 3 months is long enough to adjust to being outside and moving. It's actually less than an hour of exercise most days, I am comforting myself with that notion and daring myself to believe it is possible to do this.

Fit or bust!

There are demons in this place. I feel them, beguiling, tempting, coercing. They are trying me with the delicious but perilous chocolates and sweets of my lazy, slothful past. They will not win this time, I will defeat those creatures for they are weak and terrified of sweat.


FraidyKat Runs - from Lard